Friday, October 14, 2011

Good Luck McKenna??

I've come to realize that I have yet to publish a post about heartache. Rumor has it that I may have shed a tear or two on about 3 guys. Ya know, the ones that shatter your whole being. Here is the story of one guy who stole my heart, however I finally got it back. So go ahead, sit down, grab something sweet, & enter into my sad broken heart about the one that got away...

There I was completely alone for the week while everyone was out of town, crying like a little girl because the truth came full speed and back handed me right in my face. The truth that I had known about all along, but was in serious denial. Sometimes in life it is much easier to tune out the truth, then facing it.

Back to me crying like a sad pathetic person who is acting like my childhood dog just got ran over and died in front of me. I don't care what you say, we all sometime in our life have cried over someone you really cared for. Maybe you won't admit it, but I will speak for everyone and say that yes you have. So it is about 1 o'clock in the morning, bored, creepin on Facebook as usual, and there it was. The relationship status change.... Single to engaged. That's when my heart sank, and my jaw dropped to the floor in utter shock. I didn't even know that these two love birds were officially a couple. That's when I just stared at that stupid red heart that FB has when you change your relationship. What I really wanted was to have mine being shown that it was ripped in half. (Facebook, you really should get that.)

Let me give you some lovely back round on this heart breaker. We met my first semester in college. I  walked into class, saw his gorgeous face, and decided to sit next to him. However he slept through that entire course, and still passed. Never noticed me, never talked to me....just a big disappointment. (Should have known from the beginning.) The semester ended, and it was winter break. I was at a really lame party with an even more lame guy. I was walking around and ran into "Taupe." (This is mister gorgeous name I had given him, and he had given me the name "Yellow." Long story, not worth explaining,...just go with it.) He ended up knowing my name, and that I was the girl in his class last semester. I am pretty sure I looked pathetic because I had to have been smiling from ear to ear because Taupe did notice me. I can hear you saying right now, "McKenna you are a sad, pathetic loser...get a life." Trust me I look back and say the same thing. But Taupe asked for my number, and the rest was history...for that next year and a half it was a constant battle between my mind, and my heart with Taupe.

I was always confused when it came to Taupe... I never knew what he was thinking, or what his next move would be. Probably why I stuck around for so long...I found him interesting. But the truth is, he ended up stealing my heart, created many tears, maybe a run to Walmart to rent a tear jerker so when your roommate walks in she see's its a movie and not cry fest over a guy. I felt like I needed a label to put on exactly what we were...We weren't a couple, and it wasn't a booty call. It was a strange silent agreement of being friends that were affectionate around everyone. It was confusing. I needed some sort of mutual agreement on what we were. Was there a we? Was there anything? Clearly there was something or else none of it would have happened. I wasn't some secret hidden girl, I was there... his family and friends knew, and so did mine...Then why weren't we ever together? I don't know...however a year and a half later I couldn't take the heartache of not being "with" him. was put to a stop.

Side note....Have you ever seen the movie Good Luck Chuck?? I AM CHUCK! After every guy I date, they find their future soul mate the next week. Did someone put a hex on me while I was still in the womb or something?

Now skip about 5 months later and there I am sitting on the computer looking at the word engaged. It felt like he had no feelings, and went straight from me, to his future wife. I'm not going to lie and say I didn't care, because I did. Nor am I going to say that I brushed it off my shoulder and moved on...because I didn't. However this past week it hit me. How did I not see it before? I looked back at all the bad times we shared, leaving the good ones in the past. I came to realize...that he is what I called him from the beginning... He's just the color taupe. Neutral, no pizazz, bland, normal. I don't want to be with someone who has the color taupe describing him. I want something like Indigo, Periwinkle, Neon Green. Someone that stands out and has life beaming out of their soul that screams of fun. I want someone to be just as bright and crazy as me... This week I got my heart fully back. It doesn't feel empty anymore. And that things happen for a reason. I am not suppose to be with Taupe, he has someone that compliments him. Plus, yellow and taupe really don't go together. So Taupe, if you happen to read this I wish you the best in your future endeavors, I hope that you enjoy this new journey you have started with your lovely wife. I'm happy for you, congrats.

The Good: Getting over someone, and be happy for them

The Bad: Being described as Taupe...that sucks.

The Dirty: There was nothing dirty in this post sadly...sigh. 

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