Friday, October 14, 2011

Good Luck McKenna??

I've come to realize that I have yet to publish a post about heartache. Rumor has it that I may have shed a tear or two on about 3 guys. Ya know, the ones that shatter your whole being. Here is the story of one guy who stole my heart, however I finally got it back. So go ahead, sit down, grab something sweet, & enter into my sad broken heart about the one that got away...

There I was completely alone for the week while everyone was out of town, crying like a little girl because the truth came full speed and back handed me right in my face. The truth that I had known about all along, but was in serious denial. Sometimes in life it is much easier to tune out the truth, then facing it.

Back to me crying like a sad pathetic person who is acting like my childhood dog just got ran over and died in front of me. I don't care what you say, we all sometime in our life have cried over someone you really cared for. Maybe you won't admit it, but I will speak for everyone and say that yes you have. So it is about 1 o'clock in the morning, bored, creepin on Facebook as usual, and there it was. The relationship status change.... Single to engaged. That's when my heart sank, and my jaw dropped to the floor in utter shock. I didn't even know that these two love birds were officially a couple. That's when I just stared at that stupid red heart that FB has when you change your relationship. What I really wanted was to have mine being shown that it was ripped in half. (Facebook, you really should get that.)

Let me give you some lovely back round on this heart breaker. We met my first semester in college. I  walked into class, saw his gorgeous face, and decided to sit next to him. However he slept through that entire course, and still passed. Never noticed me, never talked to me....just a big disappointment. (Should have known from the beginning.) The semester ended, and it was winter break. I was at a really lame party with an even more lame guy. I was walking around and ran into "Taupe." (This is mister gorgeous name I had given him, and he had given me the name "Yellow." Long story, not worth explaining,...just go with it.) He ended up knowing my name, and that I was the girl in his class last semester. I am pretty sure I looked pathetic because I had to have been smiling from ear to ear because Taupe did notice me. I can hear you saying right now, "McKenna you are a sad, pathetic loser...get a life." Trust me I look back and say the same thing. But Taupe asked for my number, and the rest was history...for that next year and a half it was a constant battle between my mind, and my heart with Taupe.

I was always confused when it came to Taupe... I never knew what he was thinking, or what his next move would be. Probably why I stuck around for so long...I found him interesting. But the truth is, he ended up stealing my heart, created many tears, maybe a run to Walmart to rent a tear jerker so when your roommate walks in she see's its a movie and not cry fest over a guy. I felt like I needed a label to put on exactly what we were...We weren't a couple, and it wasn't a booty call. It was a strange silent agreement of being friends that were affectionate around everyone. It was confusing. I needed some sort of mutual agreement on what we were. Was there a we? Was there anything? Clearly there was something or else none of it would have happened. I wasn't some secret hidden girl, I was there... his family and friends knew, and so did mine...Then why weren't we ever together? I don't know...however a year and a half later I couldn't take the heartache of not being "with" him. was put to a stop.

Side note....Have you ever seen the movie Good Luck Chuck?? I AM CHUCK! After every guy I date, they find their future soul mate the next week. Did someone put a hex on me while I was still in the womb or something?

Now skip about 5 months later and there I am sitting on the computer looking at the word engaged. It felt like he had no feelings, and went straight from me, to his future wife. I'm not going to lie and say I didn't care, because I did. Nor am I going to say that I brushed it off my shoulder and moved on...because I didn't. However this past week it hit me. How did I not see it before? I looked back at all the bad times we shared, leaving the good ones in the past. I came to realize...that he is what I called him from the beginning... He's just the color taupe. Neutral, no pizazz, bland, normal. I don't want to be with someone who has the color taupe describing him. I want something like Indigo, Periwinkle, Neon Green. Someone that stands out and has life beaming out of their soul that screams of fun. I want someone to be just as bright and crazy as me... This week I got my heart fully back. It doesn't feel empty anymore. And that things happen for a reason. I am not suppose to be with Taupe, he has someone that compliments him. Plus, yellow and taupe really don't go together. So Taupe, if you happen to read this I wish you the best in your future endeavors, I hope that you enjoy this new journey you have started with your lovely wife. I'm happy for you, congrats.

The Good: Getting over someone, and be happy for them

The Bad: Being described as Taupe...that sucks.

The Dirty: There was nothing dirty in this post sadly...sigh. 

Thursday, September 29, 2011

One Man "Wolff" Pack

And the winner for the worst date in the world goes to the "One Man Wolf Pack." First off if you have never seen the movie The Hangover, your weird. Go out to the nearest Redbox and rent it. If you don't have a dollar to spend on Redbox simply google  Zach Galifianakis. You are now currently looking at my date from last week. Except he isn't funny like Alan from the movie, they just have similar features. Such as stringy hair, a wolf shirt, nasty beard, beer belly, sadly he didn't sport a satchel.
Alan has been my crazy stalker that creeps on me EVERYDAY. Ok maybe not everyday, but pretty dang close, and when it is creep fest day I get an average of about 5 IM's from Facebook chat, and about 2-3 text messages. Annoying. I have been refusing to go out with this guy, but I had to give the him some credit for his persistence.

Story goes as follows:
I finally caved in, and agreed to go on a date with Lone 'Wolff.' HUGE MISTAKE. To give you a quick recap of how my day went I was up at 4:30am to watch the two little babies til about 7:30pm(and I only had 2 hours of sleep the night before) I was tired, hungry, and I probably had a cheerio stuck in my hair.

So I hurry home, shower, run a flat iron through my hair, slap some makeup on and give Lone 'Wolff' the ok to come pick me up. 8:30 goes by...9:00 goes by...still no Alan from The Hangover. Finally my phone rings and he says he is outside. RED FLAG#2947 Guys you should never call a girl and tell her to come outside. Have some class and knock on her door. I go outside while he is parked in the middle of the At this point I should have known it was going to be a complete failure.

Uh.... we have nothing in common besides a mutual friend. Who happens to be seriously the sweetest girl ever. She is gorgeous, and a newlywed. CONGRATS  :)
Back to the story....We chit chat about our lovely friend and her wedding. Then its the awkward silence, because we have nothing else to say.

It was kind of late but seriously I was starving. Alan from the Hangover decided that we should go to Saddle Ranch because it was open late, sweet, I love that place. So we slide into the booth and I am on the other side (My female radar goes off with flashing red lights and a siren that is shouting "Stay away!!") Of course Alan makes a joke and tells me to slide over, and I do. Mistake on my part, should not have done that. Then the pop quiz begins. Yes ladies and gentleman, a lovely pop quiz. At the time I didn't know I was being tested on my "opinions and beliefs." This is when Alan begins to bash on my beliefs, and it makes me want to throw my delicious diet coke at your face because we do not agree on anything. Besides that very large cotton candy that was delivered to the table for both of us to pick at while you say that everything I believe is wrong. You'll see what I mean by pop quiz later on in the story...

I honestly feel really bad when a guy pays (except when they eat your meal, then I hope you get food poisoning. Go read my older posts) I always want to pay half, its just the right thing to do. It was a tid bit pricey meal...but he refused for me to pay, I disagreed, but we finally agreed on me paying the tip, and buying the movie tickets. Thank you Alan Lone 'Wolff' for the meal, that was very nice of you.

If you know me, you know that I DO NOT like being touched. Ew keep your hands to yourself, unless you are Ryan Gosling, but since you aren't please don't lay a single finger on me. I like my own personal bubble, don't be poking into it, or I will punch you. One Man 'Wolff' Pack decides to push my buttons and "brushes" up on me a few times during dinner. No joke, this is a full on quote of what I said to this guy, "If you touch me one more time I swear I am going to make a scene, punch you, then walk home." Harsh I know. Looking back I don't regret a single word. I regret the fact that I didn't follow through this, because walking from Westgate to my house would have been better then spending one more moment with this man.

We walk over to AMC and check out the movies. Its about 11:30, and all of the movies had pretty much just started. I say a prayer in my heart of "THANK YOU HEAVENLY FATHER!!! THERE IS NO WAY I COULD SPEND ANOTHER 2 MORE HOURS WITH THIS MAN!! ITS A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!" In all seriousness, I really did say that.

I get in his car (no he didn't open my door) and we drive back to my place. In my mind I am thinking "Please drive faster, I want to get home, sleep, then wake up and pretend like this night never happened." Then about 3 miles away from my house he pulls into a dark Blockbuster parking lot. "Oh are we here to pick up The Hangover and watch the film your featured in? No? Ok, take me home please. Uh, you mean you want to sit and talk MORE about the nothingness we have in common in this parking lot. Are you going to murder me because I feel weirded out right now. Please take me home." The next 45 minutes we discussed the music on his Ipod. I am pretty sure I would rather pluck out my eye balls with chopsticks then spend one more second with you Alan. Ok ok ok...a little harsh, but some what true.

Finally after me yawning about 10 times, he says "You look tired, I should get you home." MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED AGAIN TONIGHT!! Can I get an amen in the house?!" Alan tells me that I handled myself very well during dinner, and that he was impressed that I didn't argue with him when it came to my beliefs. Are you freaking kidding me? I am glad I passed your test. Do I get a gold star and a pat on my back?

Alan apologizes for him being late. He said he was sitting at the bar talking to the bartender on whether or not he wanted to pick me up. Is this some sort of joke?? I am not the pity date, YOU ARE. Then Alan says a mean joke about my religion. I just looked at him with the eyes of death hoping that I was burning through his mean soul. Lone 'Wolff' parks in the middle of the street, again. (Seriously? Pull up to the curb, it is the least you can do.) I thank him for dinner, exit his vehicle, go inside, and then shake my head in disgust.

The Good: Lovely mutual friend. You are amazing, and you make me smile. I wish you the best in this new journey of yours. Congrats my lovely!

The Bad: Everything about this date was bad. Except the food. Thank you Saddle Ranch.

The Dirty: Creepy men that touch you, after you repeatedly tell them not to. Have some respect. If you don't, expect to be icing your nuts for the next few days because I will punch you with ever ounce of strength I have within me.

Monday, September 5, 2011

3 strikes and I'm out!!

I have come to the conclusion that either
A: I have a serious thing for baseball players
B: All baseball players are douches
C: Me and baseball don't mix
D: All of the above

The correct answer was D, all of the above. Recently I met a handsome young fellow in the produces aisle. Yes, you read that correctly...we met at the grocery store. He was charming, and had the most gorgeous eyes ever. We flirted, he asked for my number, and 2 days later we met up at Starbucks. While sipping my delicious passion fruit non sweetened tea I heard him say that he use to play college baseball. My heart sank, from this point on I knew that my hour long makeup and hair was a waste, along with this conversation.

Over the years of dating I have realized that I am very attracted to baseball players. Here is a quick recap of some of the boys that made the list.

Dated a few of those in high school. One of them dated on and off for about a year. He was nice, but had his douchey moments. He recently got married, and by recently I mean last week. Congrats!

There has been a few of those too. Whether they were playing for a community college or a University, I was there cheering them on. I am just thinking of all the wasted shirts that were purchased so I could sport some team spirit... what a joke.

Oh happened. He was super sexy. I met him at the last place I worked out. We went on quite a few dates, and still keep in touch. No, I will not tell you his name. Yes, I will tell you that he plays for the Orioles. What position? I'll never tell....all you creeps out there would stop what you are doing and google it....Not that I ever googled Mr.Orioles or anything....Ok, maybe. YOU WOULD TOO!

Now fast forward back to me at Starbucks with handsome across the table. With the words college baseball rolling off his tongue my mind had a flashback of all the baseball douchebagers out there that I dated. How it was all a waste of time, money, and heartache. So since I've hit all bases(high school, college, the majors) there is no need for me to pursue after these charming men. Haven't quite hit any home runs with any of them....Mostly they end up being fowl balls....Sigh...

The Good: Being able to say that I went on many dates with Mr.Orioles. Hollllla!

The Bad: Getting your hopes up while in the produces aisle. I should have known better to head straight to the freezer aisle and get a pint of mint n chip because I'll be eating it a week later being bummed out by stupid boys.

The Dirty: Guys who dip. That is nasty. And so is spitting out sunflower seeds. Yuck! Unattractive.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Not quite a hole in one.

I've had a few people ask me if I have ever had a good date or relationship, and the answer is of course I have! So, to all of you who have been asking, here is a few splendid little things that happened with the last boy. (If you noticed, I said boy, not man. Catch my drift?)

There once was a guy I dated for about 8-9ish months. Average height, blonde hair, blue eyes, handsome, glimmering white teeth, tan, and freaking HYLARIOUS. This guy knew how to make anyone and everyone laugh. The type of person that you want to be around because they constantly make you smile.

His name was Woods, Tiger Woods. I say this because he once took me out to a fancy golf course for one of our dates. Except we only made it to Hole 2.
Reason 1.) I SUCK at golf.
Reason 2.) The sun had set by the time we got to Hole 2.

Mister T. Woods had to move a few hundred miles away midway through our relationship due to his job. But we still talked everyday, and there was a nice long visit, along with a few care packages here and there. Here are a few things that made Tiger a real catch.....

  • Cupcakes-he called me cupcake
  • A few books that I had been wanting to read
  • Hot tamales-a candy we would alway share & eat when we watched movies
  • Golf balls-to continue our golfing date that wasn't finished
  • A really sweet love letter
A funny side note....I didn't know he was sending me a package, but I had sent one the same time he did, and we had a few similar things in each of our packages. I sent him a really nice new golf polo so he could wear it when we went out to play again, and also hot tamales. Funny how people think alike.

  • He gave me twirling hugs. THOSE ARE THE BEST HUGS EVER!!!!
  • Always opened my door, and would get upset if I even dared to try and open one.
  • Called me sweet names.
  • Would show up randomly at my work just to say that he missed me.
  • Leave me love notes in the most peculiar places.
  • One time he blindfolded me & took me to this huge empty grass field literally in the middle of no where. We laid there talking while watching shooting stars and telling each other our secrets.

However things just didn't feel right with him. It was like there was a piece of the puzzle was missing between us. And it seemed like the week when he came to visit there was 5 more missing pieces that somehow disappeared. Something had vanished from our relationship when he came to visit, and we both secretly knew it. When it came time for him to leave, I drove him to the airport. He gave me one of those really long twirling hugs and ended it with a kiss on the forehead. We said goodbye...and on the way home I cried. I know...why was I crying? I just knew it was over...
Two days later I called him and we both agreed that it wasn't meant to be & we should stop seeing each other. We expressed how much we cared for the other and that we were both really grateful for the time we got to spend with each other over the past few months. And that was it...

Mr. Woods & I still talk to this day. Weird, the other week we were texting about what was new in our lives... I said I got a dog, and so did he. I got a boy, he got a girl. The same week too. He is a good guy, and one girl is going to be very lucky to be with him. Tiger Woods, if you happen to come across reading this, you are an awesome guy & I wish you the best in life.

The Good: A boyfriend who treats you right.

The Bad: Crying in your feels like every person that passes you is staring.

The Dirty: Chocolate cupcakes that opened up in my package & got on my new books. Gross.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Something fishy is going on...

What your about to read is all true. The locations, time, and people have NOT been changed due to the fact on how horrible this date was. Therefore it needs to be told with every detail.

Story goes as follows:
It was a blind double date. Already with that being said, it was bound for failure...and it was.

A good friend of my mine at the time was asked out on a date, and she accepted. She wasn't completely "thrilled" about the date, so she suggested that I tag along as a double date and for him to bring a friend. Let's call her date..."Girly car." Pretty explanatory, he had a woman car. A car were you would think a very girly girl would drive, except this poor vehicle was occupied with an ordinary guy with a very strange laugh.

Phase 1 of the date:
We met up with the two boys at Yogurtland for a sweet treat before we went out for some late night sushi. If you personally know me, you would know how much I freaking LOVE sushi. It's my favorite. Also, who gets dessert before dinner? Totally backwards, and it was stupid. That should have been Red Flag #1. (Note to future date who may be reading this, take me out for sushi, and you just gained a 39.7% chance of getting a kiss at the end of the night. Chances aren't high, but still a chance none the less.)

Phase 2:
First off for the record and also because this person was so rude I honestly don't care, you were about a 6 on the hottie scale and that is being generous.
This is when things begin to go south... so my date "Sesame Street" had a very nice was sexy(Also, that's why I gave you a 6 jerk.) He just took off on it to the restaurant, which meant that I had to sit in the back seat with my friend and "Girly Car." Don't mind me just awkwardly sitting back here pretending to be Casper.

Phase 3:
We went to Stingray, which is a fairly nice sushi restaurant and I was super excited to get me some food since I starved myself because I knew we were going out for sushi. If anyone has been to Stingray and closely paid attention to the signs that say "Please be considerate of others and not be on your phone inside the restaurant." So we get seated, order drinks and our rolls. I kept it simple and not pricey, just ordering a Spicy Tuna Roll and a Vegas Roll. Uhh...this is when things go horrible. So as soon as our food arrives my phone rings, and it was a lawyer  I had been in contact with, so I polity excused myself from the table saying it was an important call and went outside to take it. I was probably out there for like 15 minutes. When I got back my plate was empty with just the ginger and wasabi left. Uhh WTF? Where did my delicious rolls go that I have been thinking about all day long?? I asked what happened and "Sesame Street" said he ate it. HE ATE MY DINNER!!! Who do you think you are Sesame Street?! You just turned into freaking Cookie Monster and ate everything in site! I was mad. Who eats their dates meal???

Phase 4:
Stupid "Girly Car" jokingly tells Cookie Monster to eat a huge ball of wasabi. Cookie Monster being the childish boy he is, and because he was apparently starving for more food, he ate it. I laughed hysterically when he started to choke and ran to the bathroom. I'm pretty sure he threw up. I hope that Spicy Tuna Roll came up extra hot jerk.

Phase 5:
The bill comes, and he wants me to split it with him. I gave him the look of death and said no, I only had a glass of water because someone was incredibly rude and decided to eat my meal...Piss off, your paying.

Again awkward drive home in the backseat. Please, don't mind my stomach eating itself as its gurgling in the back. Thanks a bunch "Girly Car" for your stupid friend who was acting like a starving Ethiopian child.

The Good: Watching someone suffer from eating deserved it.


The Dirty: The fact that "Sesame Street" was able to eat 5 rolls in less than 15 minutes (He ordered 3, don't be so quick to judge me.) is gross. Is that even humanly possible to shove that much sushi down your gullet?

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

I didn't know it was Halloween.

Whoever said that vampires were sexy LIED! 

So typical Sunday at church, just doing my thing in Gospel Doctrine & Edward Cullen sits next to me. Not actually Robert Pattinson, let's get real if this was the Edward I would've had a panic attack. But he was close enough to the real deal, & that sealed it for me. Tall, not really pale, suave hair, tailored suit. I know what your thinkin', this guy has got it together. I was thinking the same thing! Back to the story... Anyways Cullen & I shared scriptures, then talked after class. It was a very magical Gospel Doctrine class...I wish I could tell you it was because of the Spirit, but my mind was going at a thousand miles an hour because Cullen was giving me butterflies. He asked for my number & I obviously gave it to him. Mr. Beautiful called me the next day, & the date was set. I was literally counting down the days til the weekend because the man that was "sparkling" in my eyes was about to take me out. When Friday finally rolled around I was primped and ready to go. 

He took me out to this dance studio where we learned how to ballroom dance. It was a lot of fun! Then later we got ice cream and walked around this pond at moonlight. Aww so romantic. Cullen took me home, gave me the long hug at the door, then followed up with the text. Girls, you know what I'm talking about...the text that says "I had a really good time tonight with you. :) Hopefully I get to see you again." Adorable...

Dinner and a movie. Simple. Sweet. Sugar coated with an innocent kiss at the door. 

At this point you are currently thinking, "McKenna, this guy seems great, whats wrong with you?" FALSE!!! Wait til date #3 and then you will change your mind.

Cullen said he was going to surprise me that evening, so when he picked me up I was blindfolded & taken to an unidenified location. Then he guided me out of his freshly washed new Camry while holding my hand & telling me to watch my step. The blindfold came off & we were by some sort of lake/pond/large body of water thing literally in the middle of no where. He had candles set up & music was being played, the song that we had learned how to dance to on date #1. So we danced under the moonlight, it was a tender moment. Then Edward went in for the kill. He kissed me...and then began a little makeout session. Nothing more, nothing less. Then about 25 seconds into it, he bit me. Yes, you are reading this correctly. HE BIT ME. Not a sexy nibble, like actually began biting my neck. I then began to think that vampires were real, & then thought no one knows where I am at...matter of fact I don't even know where I am out. Maybe he is going to kill me via fang tooth. I put an immediate stop to the kissing. So we sat down, talked about life, and then he did it again!!! He kissed me & out came the teeth. It was painful, not playful. I was so ready to go home.

I had bruises from Mr.Fangs. It was so bad that people were asking me if I was attacked by some sort of baby bear who was gnawing on my neck. I didn't see him for a week, even though I wanted to show him what he did to my poor innocent neck. Thus began the thought of maybe he was in a weird mood and was hungry for my flesh?? Idk!? He was too sexy to pass up, so then I went on another date.

I kind of liked Edward, however I had already made up in my mind that if he was going to bite me again then I wasn't going to see him anymore. I took him out, & it was really fun until he decided to become a shark & rip my face off with his mouth. Just sounds gross...& it was. So I told him that I just didn't see that much chemistry between us & ended it with Edward. Those butterflies that were fluttering around before, yeah...they flew into a glass wall & died instantly.

How come it has to be the sexy guy to have this weird biting fetish/habit!?! For all that is good and holy in the world, send me a normal man!! 

The Good: Cute dates that have some thought behind them. 

The Bad: Having to worry if your going to be murdered.

The Dirty: Sinking your teeth into someone...Maybe I should've ate garlic to keep him away. 

Sunday, July 24, 2011

I need a new cereal.

So instead of blogging about a horrible date, I thought I'd take a different route since this week something special happened. And by "special" I mean a certain man has been a total douche and he will be put on blast.

Story goes as follows:
I kind of liked "Tony the Tiger" a lot, but couldn't do much about it since his good friend was a previous exboyfriend who I will call Cap'n Crunch. But the exboyfriend moved away & got a new girl, so Triple T & I started talking, A LOT. You see, there was text messages & phone calls daily, & I would've enjoyed visits except I live an hour away. There is a reason why I am calling this jerk Tony the Tiger, because 3T is a representative of Frosted Flakes, and this guy is the biggest FLAKE I know. There has been numerous times when I would be on the East Valley & 3T claimed that he wanted to see me. However, Tony the Tiger fell short, and never did see me. Before you start thinking that he just didn't want to see me, your wrong. This guy flakes out on everyone & everything. Even while dating Cap'n Crunch, he would complain on how 3T would never follow through with their plans. So how is it that someone can talk to you practically everyday and tell you that they really like you and want to date you, but yet, they never get around to actually doing it. I thought 3T had changed his ways since for the past 2 months we have been going out on dates. You'd think that all I'm missing is a new relationship status on Facebook, however Facebook pulled a fast one on me. The other night I went online, and did my usual creeping & BAM first thing I see on my News Feed is a mobile upload....a mobile upload of him with a half naked girl with rollerblades on. WOW WOW WOW pump the that a caption reading "I'm so in love with this girl." Yup....Frosted Flakes got me good... the other night your talking to me on the phone telling me that you can't wait to see me, and now your in love with stripper girl on wheels while practially gropping her.
Get out of here Tony, you never were "GRRRRREAT!"

Update: 3T & I are no longer Facebook friends, you can have Roller Derby.
Warning: Ladies if you know of a man who happens to be tall, dark, handsome, witty with his words, almost 30, currently living in the Gilbert area & seen with rollerblades, RUN FAST. He's a hoax.

The Good: Who doesn't like Cap'n Crunch!? It's freaking delicious! Should've kept milkin' that one.

The Bad: Tony is what he eats.

The Dirty: Almost naked on rollerblades, put some clothes before someone starts to make it rain.