Not quite a hole in one.

I've had a few people ask me if I have ever had a good date or relationship, and the answer is of course I have! So, to all of you who have been asking, here is a few splendid little things that happened with the last boy. (If you noticed, I said boy, not man. Catch my drift?)

There once was a guy I dated for about 8-9ish months. Average height, blonde hair, blue eyes, handsome, glimmering white teeth, tan, and freaking HYLARIOUS. This guy knew how to make anyone and everyone laugh. The type of person that you want to be around because they constantly make you smile.

His name was Woods, Tiger Woods. I say this because he once took me out to a fancy golf course for one of our dates. Except we only made it to Hole 2.
Reason 1.) I SUCK at golf.
Reason 2.) The sun had set by the time we got to Hole 2.

Mister T. Woods had to move a few hundred miles away midway through our relationship due to his job. But we still talked everyday, and there was a nice long visit, along with a few care packages here and there. Here are a few things that made Tiger a real catch.....

CARE PACKAGE ITEMS:

• Cupcakes-he called me cupcake
• A few books that I had been wanting to read
• Hot tamales-a candy we would alway share & eat when we watched movies
• Golf balls-to continue our golfing date that wasn't finished
• A really sweet love letter

A funny side note....I didn't know he was sending me a package, but I had sent one the same time he did, and we had a few similar things in each of our packages. I sent him a really nice new golf polo so he could wear it when we went out to play again, and also hot tamales. Funny how people think alike.

SWEET THINGS THAT HE DID:

• He gave me twirling hugs. THOSE ARE THE BEST HUGS EVER!!!!
• Always opened my door, and would get upset if I even dared to try and open one.
• Called me sweet names.
• Would show up randomly at my work just to say that he missed me.
• Leave me love notes in the most peculiar places.
• One time he blindfolded me & took me to this huge empty grass field literally in the middle of no where. We laid there talking while watching shooting stars and telling each other our secrets.

However things just didn't feel right with him. It was like there was a piece of the puzzle was missing between us. And it seemed like the week when he came to visit there was 5 more missing pieces that somehow disappeared. Something had vanished from our relationship when he came to visit, and we both secretly knew it. When it came time for him to leave, I drove him to the airport. He gave me one of those really long twirling hugs and ended it with a kiss on the forehead. We said goodbye...and on the way home I cried. I know...why was I crying? I just knew it was over...
Two days later I called him and we both agreed that it wasn't meant to be & we should stop seeing each other. We expressed how much we cared for the other and that we were both really grateful for the time we got to spend with each other over the past few months. And that was it...

Mr. Woods & I still talk to this day. Weird, the other week we were texting about what was new in our lives... I said I got a dog, and so did he. I got a boy, he got a girl. The same week too. He is a good guy, and one girl is going to be very lucky to be with him. Tiger Woods, if you happen to come across reading this, you are an awesome guy & I wish you the best in life.

The Good: A boyfriend who treats you right.

The Bad: Crying in your car...it feels like every person that passes you is staring.

The Dirty: Chocolate cupcakes that opened up in my package & got on my new books. Gross.

Something fishy is going on...

What your about to read is all true. The locations, time, and people have NOT been changed due to the fact on how horrible this date was. Therefore it needs to be told with every detail.

Story goes as follows:
It was a blind double date. Already with that being said, it was bound for failure...and it was.

A good friend of my mine at the time was asked out on a date, and she accepted. She wasn't completely "thrilled" about the date, so she suggested that I tag along as a double date and for him to bring a friend. Let's call her date..."Girly car." Pretty explanatory, he had a woman car. A car were you would think a very girly girl would drive, except this poor vehicle was occupied with an ordinary guy with a very strange laugh.

Phase 1 of the date:
We met up with the two boys at Yogurtland for a sweet treat before we went out for some late night sushi. If you personally know me, you would know how much I freaking LOVE sushi. It's my favorite. Also, who gets dessert before dinner? Totally backwards, and it was stupid. That should have been Red Flag #1. (Note to future date who may be reading this, take me out for sushi, and you just gained a 39.7% chance of getting a kiss at the end of the night. Chances aren't high, but still a chance none the less.)

Phase 2:
First off for the record and also because this person was so rude I honestly don't care, you were about a 6 on the hottie scale and that is being generous.
This is when things begin to go south... so my date "Sesame Street" had a very nice bike....it was sexy(Also, that's why I gave you a 6 jerk.) He just took off on it to the restaurant, which meant that I had to sit in the back seat with my friend and "Girly Car." Don't mind me just awkwardly sitting back here pretending to be Casper.

Phase 3:
We went to Stingray, which is a fairly nice sushi restaurant and I was super excited to get me some food since I starved myself because I knew we were going out for sushi. If anyone has been to Stingray and closely paid attention to the signs that say "Please be considerate of others and not be on your phone inside the restaurant." So we get seated, order drinks and our rolls. I kept it simple and not pricey, just ordering a Spicy Tuna Roll and a Vegas Roll. Uhh...this is when things go horrible. So as soon as our food arrives my phone rings, and it was a lawyer  I had been in contact with, so I polity excused myself from the table saying it was an important call and went outside to take it. I was probably out there for like 15 minutes. When I got back my plate was empty with just the ginger and wasabi left. Uhh WTF? Where did my delicious rolls go that I have been thinking about all day long?? I asked what happened and "Sesame Street" said he ate it. HE ATE MY DINNER!!! Who do you think you are Sesame Street?! You just turned into freaking Cookie Monster and ate everything in site! I was mad. Who eats their dates meal???

Phase 4:
Stupid "Girly Car" jokingly tells Cookie Monster to eat a huge ball of wasabi. Cookie Monster being the childish boy he is, and because he was apparently starving for more food, he ate it. I laughed hysterically when he started to choke and ran to the bathroom. I'm pretty sure he threw up. I hope that Spicy Tuna Roll came up extra hot jerk.

Phase 5:
The bill comes, and he wants me to split it with him. I gave him the look of death and said no, I only had a glass of water because someone was incredibly rude and decided to eat my meal...Piss off, your paying.

Again awkward drive home in the backseat. Please, don't mind my stomach eating itself as its gurgling in the back. Thanks a bunch "Girly Car" for your stupid friend who was acting like a starving Ethiopian child.

The Good: Watching someone suffer from eating wasabi...you deserved it.

The Bad: YOUR DATE EATING YOUR MEAL. WHO DOES THAT????

The Dirty: The fact that "Sesame Street" was able to eat 5 rolls in less than 15 minutes (He ordered 3, don't be so quick to judge me.) is gross. Is that even humanly possible to shove that much sushi down your gullet?

I didn't know it was Halloween.

Whoever said that vampires were sexy LIED! 

So typical Sunday at church, just doing my thing in Gospel Doctrine & Edward Cullen sits next to me. Not actually Robert Pattinson, let's get real if this was the Edward I would've had a panic attack. But he was close enough to the real deal, & that sealed it for me. Tall, not really pale, suave hair, tailored suit. I know what your thinkin', this guy has got it together. I was thinking the same thing! Back to the story... Anyways Cullen & I shared scriptures, then talked after class. It was a very magical Gospel Doctrine class...I wish I could tell you it was because of the Spirit, but my mind was going at a thousand miles an hour because Cullen was giving me butterflies. He asked for my number & I obviously gave it to him. Mr. Beautiful called me the next day, & the date was set. I was literally counting down the days til the weekend because the man that was "sparkling" in my eyes was about to take me out. When Friday finally rolled around I was primped and ready to go. 

DATE #1

He took me out to this dance studio where we learned how to ballroom dance. It was a lot of fun! Then later we got ice cream and walked around this pond at moonlight. Aww so romantic. Cullen took me home, gave me the long hug at the door, then followed up with the text. Girls, you know what I'm talking about...the text that says "I had a really good time tonight with you. :) Hopefully I get to see you again." Adorable...

DATE #2

Dinner and a movie. Simple. Sweet. Sugar coated with an innocent kiss at the door. 

At this point you are currently thinking, "McKenna, this guy seems great, whats wrong with you?" FALSE!!! Wait til date #3 and then you will change your mind.

DATE #3

Cullen said he was going to surprise me that evening, so when he picked me up I was blindfolded & taken to an unidenified location. Then he guided me out of his freshly washed new Camry while holding my hand & telling me to watch my step. The blindfold came off & we were by some sort of lake/pond/large body of water thing literally in the middle of no where. He had candles set up & music was being played, the song that we had learned how to dance to on date #1. So we danced under the moonlight, it was a tender moment. Then Edward went in for the kill. He kissed me...and then began a little makeout session. Nothing more, nothing less. Then about 25 seconds into it, he bit me. Yes, you are reading this correctly. HE BIT ME. Not a sexy nibble, like actually began biting my neck. I then began to think that vampires were real, & then thought no one knows where I am at...matter of fact I don't even know where I am out. Maybe he is going to kill me via fang tooth. I put an immediate stop to the kissing. So we sat down, talked about life, and then he did it again!!! He kissed me & out came the teeth. It was painful, not playful. I was so ready to go home.

NEXT MORNING

I had bruises from Mr.Fangs. It was so bad that people were asking me if I was attacked by some sort of baby bear who was gnawing on my neck. I didn't see him for a week, even though I wanted to show him what he did to my poor innocent neck. Thus began the thought of maybe he was in a weird mood and was hungry for my flesh?? Idk!? He was too sexy to pass up, so then I went on another date.

DATE #4

I kind of liked Edward, however I had already made up in my mind that if he was going to bite me again then I wasn't going to see him anymore. I took him out, & it was really fun until he decided to become a shark & rip my face off with his mouth. Just sounds gross...& it was. So I told him that I just didn't see that much chemistry between us & ended it with Edward. Those butterflies that were fluttering around before, yeah...they flew into a glass wall & died instantly.

How come it has to be the sexy guy to have this weird biting fetish/habit!?! For all that is good and holy in the world, send me a normal man!! 

The Good: Cute dates that have some thought behind them. 

The Bad: Having to worry if your going to be murdered.

The Dirty: Sinking your teeth into someone...Maybe I should've ate garlic to keep him away.